Chapter One

The Stories I Didn’t Know I Was Telling

For most of my life, I was manifesting without knowing it. I did not call it manifestation. I called it luck, bad timing, coincidence, survival, relationships, business, or simply the way life was. I thought things happened to me and then I reacted to whatever appeared. Looking back, I can see patterns. I experienced certain emotional situations repeatedly - not because I consciously asked for pain, rejection, or struggle, but because early experiences shaped the way I saw myself. Those meanings became stories. Those stories influenced what I expected, noticed, accepted, and feared. … I entered life under circumstances I could not understand or control. My biological mother was extremely young. I spent part of my childhood in foster care before being adopted. A child does not understand life through adult explanations. A child understands how something feels. A child rarely says, ‘My circumstances are complicated, but they do not determine my worth.’ A child is more likely to wonder, ‘Why wasn’t I kept? Why wasn’t I chosen? Was something wrong with me?’ Those questions can quietly become an identity. I did not consciously decide to feel unchosen. I adapted. Once the feeling became familiar, however, my mind began noticing evidence that seemed to support it. If someone became distant, part of me noticed. If someone did not respond the way I hoped, part of me prepared for rejection. If love appeared, I sometimes questioned whether it would remain.

You may recognize this as waiting to Be Chosen, preparing for Disappointment, or looking Outside for Proof.